hello.
today is a very boring day.
my hp got confiscated by my mom.cause of being late home yesterday.
waiting the whole day for love to be online.
devoted to her you know.
she was online for freaking two hours only.
appreciate every second of it.
love you will be reading this tomorrow.i know
just to tell you.dont be jealous of anyone.
cause they dint steal my heart.but you did.
you are my only one okay baby.
so now im emoing sort of.
cause im talking terms with my sis.
turn out what i always thought was right.
its since primary school.the doubts has always been there.
i mean the thoughts of me and my siblings have different dads.
today.finally i know everything.
i have been having the doubts cause of the name.
roziyana bte rahmat(older sis)
muhd reduwan b rahmat.(older bro)
rezwana bte mohsin(me)
ali rashimi bani mohsin(younger bro)
why there is the difference in the father's name.
but my dad had to lie to me saying that he change his name.
but he dint.on my sis birthday.her boyfriend spilled out the beans.
saying that me and my sis have different dads.
i was questioning.but my sis was like denying.
maybe she doesnt want her 24th birthday to be a sentimental one.
so i understand.journey home in my aunty's car.
i was crying.i really dont how to explain.to think that i have been living a lie.
all this while.since im young.being plainly naive to believe my parents all that sorts.
who else will say the truth but parents.that what i always thought.but i guess im wrong.
talking to my sister.actually chatting.she told me the big secret.
we do have different dads.thats the reason why she isnt leaving with us.
no wonder we were never close to me.its only recently.
the bonds got tighter.cause no one can restrict us.
my dad used to restrict me from her.
i dont get why.why must they all lie to me.i have the right to know.
why did anybody say a thing.i was living a lie for my whole entire childhood.
im right all a long.its just that im denying everything.
cause not a single soul will tell me the effing truth.
parents lying about the truth.
dont they realised that we are old enough to know.
its our siblings for goodness sake.SIBLINGS.
we should be closer than anything.
now i know that we do have different dads.
im afraid things get more complicated.we are already scattered.
im really afraid things might just get different.
the way you guys treat me and everything.
i was scared all a long.thinking what if you find out i know about this.
would you guys brother and sister avoid me.
i always try to forget it.saying its just my imagination.
but now i really have to accept the fact.
im afraid that how would we react meeting each other.
will just talk as if we are truely siblings.
or we just ignore one another.
i hate the feeling of knowing.
i still have to accept it.
im crying very badly now.my sister and brother means alot to me.
i decided to closer our bonds and ties together.
eventhough we might not be siblings but we still love each other.
thats why we can fight this together wont we?
i feel like wanting to shout at my parents now.saying why must they lie.
but i guess i just have to pretend in front of them not knowing about it.
dont want anything to get worst.
so yeah.this all for today.i might be emo-ing all the day tomorrow.
so beware kayy.






tears running down my cheeks.







i cant do anything to stop it







my heart beats for you only.